The Comparison Game

OK, some Real Talk here…This past weekend I found myself checking up on all the social media accounts of the women competing at the Governor’s Cup out in Cali, as I was following the results of the show. All I kept finding myself thinking was “holy smokes, these women look amazing, there is no way I can compete with that.”

STOP RIGHT THERE.

Yes, that’s right- my personal mantra from the very start of this journey has been that I am doing this show FOR ME (my own self-improvement), not for anyone else and certainly not for a placing. And yet I still found myself falling victim to the dreaded but all too common social media comparison game.  

Here’s some advice. DON’T DO THAT.  

First of all, we must realize that the beauty of social media is that it lets us paint whatever picture we want. It lets us show only what we decide to show. And so our “followers” can never truly know if they are seeing the whole picture. This is fine. But with that, we “followers” must take ownership and realize this fact and therefore try not to put too much stock into what we see on social media.  

Social media, fitness personalities, IFBB pros- it can all certainly be very inspiring. There are people out there who are absolutely AMAZING (like all those women that competed at the Governor’s Cup- huge props ladies- you all killed it!!). But sometimes, without us even realizing it, social media can start becoming a negative mindset trigger—and usually that happens when we start comparing ourselves, our bodies, our own journeys to those of others. This was the case for me this past weekend.

But you know what, I have no business comparing myself to anyone else, and neither do you. Luckily, I am pretty quick to recognize these negative mindset triggers and snap myself out of them. But for those of you out there that may not have the same awareness yet, definitely check in on yourself once in a while as you’re scrolling through social media and ask yourself what emotion is it actually triggering. Are you feeling positively motivated and inspired or are you feeling like you’re not measuring up?

The comparison game can really become a negative mind f*ck if we let it (pardon my language, I don’t typically swear, but it really is the best term to describe what I’m talking about). But the fact is, I am ME and you are YOU. We each have our own unique circumstances with different challenges and obstacles to overcome. What I do should have no bearing on you and vice versa. Regardless of what anyone else out there is doing and regardless of how anyone else out there is looking (at 10 weeks out, 5 weeks out or on stage)- it really has nothing to do with me. It does not change what I need to do on a daily basis to get myself ready for the show. It does not change my reasons for wanting to compete. And it does not make me any less deserving to stand on stage. Because my journey is my own and it is for ME. And I encourage everyone out there to take that same approach. You can only control YOU- your own actions, your own behaviors, your own mindset- and those things have absolutely ZERO to do with what anyone else is doing. So stop comparing yourself to anyone else and start focusing on YOU.

On a personal level, I’m going to take this concept even one step further. Most people involved in bodybuilding style competitions set the goal to become better with each show. And this is a fantastic goal- it’s always best to work on improving yourself as opposed to trying to “beat” others or to win a certain placing. But sometimes even that thought process can be a little detrimental.  I’ve found that every contest prep is different with different challenges and circumstances, so it may not always be fair to even compare yourself to, well, yourself. We always have to take into account our current circumstances. When I had announced that I wanted to compete in figure, I stated that my goal was to beat my 2013 physique. It seemed like a valid and motivating goal at the time, but truthfully, I really didn’t consider my circumstances before making that statement. I have now come to realize that I was in a completely different place in 2013, and so constantly comparing myself now to myself back then has proved to be a bit of a negative mindset trigger as well. In 2013 I had done a strongman show earlier in the year (and placed 2nd and qualified for the nationals!).  I was doing a lot of crossfit and conditioning workouts leading into and throughout my prep, and my shoulders were MUCH more functional than they are now. My ability to train at an exceptionally high level was much better (and I was training for fitness) and thus my training was much different than it can be now (due to my current injury limitations).  

Additionally, my focus has really not been on bodybuilding AT ALL in the past few years. In the last 2-3 years I’ve focused a lot on my career and made some major career shifts.  I’ve also adopted two rescue chihuahuas (my full time fur- babies), and moved in with my boyfriend and taken on the role of weekend stepmom to two young boys. In the gym my focus had been on a balanced approach to exercise that kept my body (and mind) as healthy as possible, and I even trained for and ran in a half marathon this past fall. So no, I have NOT been training for a figure competition this whole time. I literally decided about 8 weeks ago that I wanted to compete again and that was when I started training for it (giving me about 2 weeks to come up with a game plan and 14 weeks for a contest prep). So with all of that being said, how can I truly compare myself now to myself in 2013, or 2011, or 2008 when I stood on the Olympia stage. I am completely different NOW than I was in any of those times, so the comparison is not valid.  

But it doesn’t change my journey. It doesn’t change how hard I am working to be my very best RIGHT NOW in my current circumstances. All I can do is the best I can do RIGHT NOW, with what I’ve got to work with RIGHT NOW. And that’s exactly what I’m doing.

So just like I’m telling YOU to stop comparing yourself to others, I am also telling ME to stop comparing myself to others AND to myself in the past. MY current journey is what matters to me (and yours to you). RIGHT NOW is what I need to focus on, not what used to be.  I have no idea exactly how I’ll look the day of the show but I know I will be able to say that I did my very best. And that’s what truly matters. That, and sharing my journey and these types of insights with you guys, in the hopes that it may help you as well.

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“Badass or Bad Idea”

These days it seems everyone wants to be “hardcore.” But in reality, there is a very fine line between dedication and just plain dumb.

Let me preface this by saying that pretty much every mistake I’m about to list- I’ve made. The thing about pros is that we can be very good at only showing what we want people to see. After all, we are pros, we are supposed to be the best of the best and we have an image to uphold. But in turn, we are doing a complete disservice to those people who look to us for inspiration and advice.

What you get to see are the beautiful stage shots and photoshoot shots and contest shape gym selfies that we like to share, but what you don’t get to see through those photos are the actual consequences of what it might have taken to get there. You don’t get to see the permanent injuries, the thyroid damage, the 25lb post contest rebounds, the reproductive issues, the broken relationships and all the other not so nice things that can go along with taking “badass” a little too far.

Since returning to the fitness world last year, I’ve made it a point to maintain perspective and balance in my life, to keep my health and my relationships at the top of my priority list, even while contest prepping. It’s definitely still a work in progress for me, but let me share with you a quick reference list that may help…

>Getting your fasted cardio in at 5am before a long day of work and returning to the gym later to get your weight training in is pretty badass.
>>Spending 4 hours on the stepmill everyday is a bad idea.

>Training when you’re sore, or improving a different lift/body part/area while recovering from/working around an injury is pretty badass.
>>Continuing to train on a known injury to the point where it becomes a lifetime problem is a bad idea (yes, this one I am very guilty of).

>Getting through your very low carb days two weeks out from your show with no deviations to the plan is pretty badass.
>>Spending 12+ weeks eating nothing but tilapia, chicken, eggwhites, broccoli and asparagus is a bad idea.

>Going to a party and opting to avoid the desserts and alcohol while still spending time with friends is pretty badass.
>>Skipping all special/social occasions for an extended period of time because there will be “bad food there” is a bad idea.

>Doing some extra work on the side to make some extra money to put towards competing is pretty badass.
>>Spending your life savings and putting yourself into debt for the sake of competing is a bad idea.

>Completing a 12-16 week contest prep to the absolute best of your ability is pretty badass.
>>Spending 6+ months on a contest diet without giving your body any time to recover, only to rebound 30lbs when you’re finally “off” your diet is a bad idea.

>Going to the gym instead of to the bar on Friday nights is pretty badass.
>>Being a complete bitch because of your workout schedule/diet to the point where none of your friends/family even call you to hang out anymore is a bad idea.

I’m sure the list could go on and on. The point is, there needs to be a distinction between giving your all and being stupid. You can still be hardcore/badass/completely dedicated or whatever you want to call it, while still being SMART. You still need to dedicate yourself to your goals and do what it takes to accomplish them. If you want something, you need to work your ass off and sacrifice and do things that may not be a lot of fun to get there.

I’m NOT saying to slack. I’m NOT saying to take the easy way. I’m NOT saying to give less that 110% every damn day. But what I AM saying is that part of being “badass” and dedicating 100% is also being knowledgeable enough to realize when something you’re doing is just flat out not good for you. If I’ve learned anything over the years it’s the importance of keeping perspective. You always have to keep in mind the things that are most important in this life- spending time with the people you love, maintaining good health, enjoying this short time we have here on the earth—because winning that plastic trophy at your show will not mean anything if you lose all of those other things along the way.
Just something to keep in mind.